Letters To Henry
by AmacLucky13
Summary: The moment Emma held her son in her arms she could never let him go. As Emma learns to be a mother to her son she begins writing him letters telling him of her experiences. Some are sad. Others hilarious. Sometimes fluffy. Some angry. Some are short but sweet as they try to figure out how to be a family together. 3x11 Going Home Inspired.
1. August 13, 2001

**A.N. Letters aren't meant to be long, don't judge this based on size but by content. **

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**August 13****th****, 2001**

Dear my son,

Today you were born.

And whether or not I should tell you this I almost gave you up for adoption. I thought and maybe I still do believe you are better off someone else as your mother. I don't think I'm capable of being a mother. Why would I? I never had an example growing up, my parents just left me on the side of the street with a baby blanket with my first name on it, Emma. So how could I possibly be a good mother when I've never had one? So, my sweet baby boy, I had decided when I found out you were coming, that I was sure I would give you up to give you your best chance. And then you were born and I heard those screams, you crying, and the doctor informing me it's okay to change my mind. To decide to be a mother. Then I held your squirming little body in my arms and you quieted right down like you knew who I was, like you recognized your mother. The woman you had been inside, kicking for the last nine months. I am never planning to let you live that one down.

I asked the nurse for some paper so I could write this letter to you. At first I didn't know what to say but I do now. I never claimed to be a good mother but I can promise I will do my very best to be the best mother you could ever ask for. I don't have a lot to my name at the moment, actually I probably don't have anything to my name at the moment. Nothing to call my own, all of that was stolen from me the moment I was betrayed, but that's a story for another time. Except for a car, a yellow bug left for me from... an old friend. But as long as I'm trapped within four walls I'm without any possessions, I'm not even really allowed to have you while I'm here. However, none of that matters, I will find something but what does matter is that I will always love you.

I promise you that there will never be a day that goes by that you feel unloved. Love was not a luxury when I was growing up but I will be damned if I let that happen to you. So, for every fight, argument, disagreement, terrible things we will say, know this, I will always love you, and you are _my_ son. Not a day will go by that anything could do to change those things, they are forever. _I promise._

Love, your mother,

_Emma Swan_

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**A.N. I know it's short but it's supposed to be. It's written like this for a reason. This Emma is hurt, closed off, since she lost Neal. Now she has to learn to open her heart again, this is how she starts by promising her son all the things she never had. **

**Please drop a review, let me know if you like it. **

**NOTE: Not really a story, more along the lines of a bunch of ideas dropped here because they were stuck in my head and needed a place to go. There might be a little more if you like it. LET ME KNOW. REVIEW. **

**Thanks for reading! ;)**


	2. October 13, 2001

**October 13, 2001**

Dear Henry, (A name!)

Today was my last day in prison and I mean forever. I don't intend to go back. Not ever. For the last two months you have been held in a foster family while I finished my sentence, I haven't seen you since you were five days old. They wouldn't allow it. So, these last two months have been horrible. I only have been getting regular updates on you. They called me in the middle of the night not too long after I said goodbye to you for two months. Three weeks or so because they had taken you to a hospital because you refused to stop crying and they wanted my medical history as well as much as I knew about your father. Even with my history they couldn't find a single ting wrong with you. The doctor came to the conclusion you needed maternal care, he wanted to get authorized visits so I could see you while I was locked away to calm you but the process would have taken longer than I'd be behind those bars. Unfortunately, that meant the foster family caring for you had to endure your crying for two months, but what makes it so much worse was when I picked you up. The minute I held you in my arms you stopped crying. The family was so mad. All that time they spent listening to you cry and it was stopped by something so simple. Just me, holding you in my arms.

So, today was my last day in prison and the first day of the rest of our lives together. You have no idea how much that thought alone frightens me onto no end because as of today I am not just in charge of my own life and my own well being but I am also in charge of yours. The people who had been caring for you the last two months were kind enough to give me clothing for you, as well as a carrier, an old beat up stroller, and a few other things. They also packed a bag with formula and diapers. I'm set up with enough stuff to last you a week at the most. It's not enough but it's a start. I don't know where we'll go but I started to figure it out before I was released. Before I decided to be a mother I had no intention of going into a recommended work program. It helps get former juvy teens find jobs with people who will give them a second chance. This means regular check ins, a parole officer, and people I'll be forced to deal with on a constant basis in order to remain in this type of program. I've always hated systems like this, I don't believe they work, at all. I spent 16 years of my life inside the foster system where people looked at me like a meal ticket. The moment we were too much they shipped us off to be someone else's problem and it started all over again. However, they can get me a job, find me a place to work, and help me to get back onto my feet. Right now that's something I need because I have you to think about, not just myself. If I were alone I'd do what I have always done and roam around finding food and money when I need it. Until now forever is not something I needed to think about but with you I need a home for you my sweet Henry. And I promise I will keep you from going hungry.

As for right now we're holed up in a small shelter which isn't too full and I guess we'll stay here until I find some place better that I can afford.. I don't know how it will all work out but I will find a way to make it work out. This isn't forever, only for now. I know you'll notice you have a name now, I gave it to you before we left the hospital. I – honestly – don't know where it came from... It was like magic. But that's your name now: Henry Swan.

Love, your mother,

_Emma Swan_

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**A.N. Let me know what you think! REVIEW!. **

**Thanks for reading! **


	3. October 23, 2001

**A.N. Enjoy! :)**

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**October 23****rd****, 2001**

Dear Henry,

18. That's how old I am today. Do you know how old you are today? Two months and roughly ten days old. Legally, I am now an adult but I can't even buy liquor. However, I am old enough to take care of my son. My son. I wonder if I'll ever get used to saying that. Doubtful. Anyway, a little baby so helpless. Some hospital thought it was a good idea for me to take you home. For some reason today makes that thought seem even crazier than it normally does. Maybe it's because today I am a legal adult in everyone's eye not just a legally released from the foster system but a full blown adult. The problem is I don't feel like much of an adult, truthfully.

Maybe that's the real problem, I don't feel old enough to have a son, a child of my own. I don't think I'm ready to be a mother at all. I have had you to myself for ten days and I'm horrified I'll screw up. I never had a mother or a family. How can I be one to you? How can I be you everything? How can I know I made the right choice in keeping you? How can I know it was for you best and not my own selfish wants? That I kept you because I'm what is best for you? That I didn't decide so I would never be alone again? I'm plagued by gut today. That by keeping you I've condemned you to a worse life because all that I have to offer you is my heart. The wonder as to whether or not that will ever be enough. I grew up without parents I had nothing but horrible examples all I know is what not to do, doesn't mean I know what to do. I don't know how to be a mother.

18. Today I am 18. Today is such a scary day and it's filling me with nothing but terror that I won't be a good mother. Age may be a number but I don't think I'm ready. How would anyone even know if they are ready? Kids don't come with an instruction manual. The foster family may have given me a list of your feeding schedule with you bedtime but they couldn't even get you to stop crying. They didn't know how to. I didn't know how to get you to stop I just held you. And, although, I didn't have a mother of my own can you tell me all the world's problems, that everyone can be made to feel better if they were just held by their mother? If so, I found the key to world peace and happiness! Mommy hugs!

Those are all well and good but you will get older. You'll grow up and have bigger problems I'm not sure what I'll do then. Oh God, if you're anything like you father we're more screwed than I thought. I am going to have my hands full with you, won't I?

How do people do this? Aren't they scared they'll mess up? Those are my biggest fears but when I see you smile, watch your face light up like I'm the best person in the world I don't worry as much. You're happy. That's what I want for you. When I can't make you face light up like that anymore, then I'll worry.

Love, your mother,

_Emma Swan_

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**A.N. Make sure you pay attention to the dates as these are published. They may sometimes be out of order depending on whether or not I go back if I happen to get an idea.**

**Enjoy! I hope you like! :)**

**Thanks for reading! **

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! THANKS! **


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